Friday, April 23, 2010

Dreaming the impossible dream!

I have to admit listening to Shanon’s tape gave me a lift.  Who wouldn’t want to believe in the impossible dream?  I did, and certainly, I now had reasons to do just that.  I mean, look at the sequence of events leading up to this last one!  Firstly; Roy calling me to make an appointment with Dickie Motherwell, who led me to Shera, who led me to the channeling course, that led to Rod, and then the Reiki course and now, Shanon’s reading?  What is the one connecting link in this continuous chain of seemingly unrelated events and people?  Me!  I had decided not to attend Shera’s course but then changed my mind in an instant - and If I had not done that?  The chain would have been broken and none of the others would have happened, would they?  Throw in my having a vision of Jesus Christ because I went against my rational nature and began to meditate.  And what about all the references relating to my being a ‘healer’ and my consequently discovering that I had, literally in my hands, a connection to this invisible force that somehow connects us all to each other. Why does it have to be so complicated?  Questions!  Questions!  Questions!  Bottom line?  I knew I couldn’t turn back.  Like it or not, comfortable or not, I had to see this through.  I still needed a miracle and I was beginning to believe that maybe, just maybe, one might be just around the next corner.  

I have to wonder, how our lives would have been changed if I had not responded spontaneously, without thinking, to any one of these cues.  Certainly, we would have moved in a different direction; maybe we would still have met the same people, maybe not. There would have been others to take their place.  But without a doubt, today, I know the outcome would be the same.  We had stepped onto a moving train heading to who-knew-where, and the engineer of this train?  Nowhere in sight!  All we could do was rely on our instincts and hang on for dear life and trust that whoever was in charge of this journey knew the way, because I surely did not.                  

“The foot bone’s connected to the ankle bone;
The ankle bone’s connected to the leg bone;
The leg bone’s connected to the hip bone;
Now hear the word of the Lord”     

Thursday, April 22, 2010

What can I say?

The audio tape from Shanon was accompanied by a handwritten letter saying:
“I enjoyed channeling the information for you and you will be interested to know that while channeling your information Elizabeth there was a terrific amount of energy, so much so that I was numb from the waist up so that I would fully understand the message which was to be relayed to you.  You are an interesting and very complex soul and will, I think, be venturing into difficult and yet beautiful works of service for aiding others.  I must say that the energy was very, very intense and that it caused the channeling to be very direct and (hopefully) instructive.”  Blessings and Light, Shanon

The following is a transcript of what I heard as I listened to it for the first time.   I hesitated to speak of this, but this reading is such an integral link to everything that came next I just cannot leave it out even if I didn’t understand it at the time.

“This is Havar.  I am one with the Christ light and know that there are many who have entered into this room at this time to aid with this particular reading. 

Further understand that this is one who comes to us today to learn more about that which has already been completed and that which will already be part of that which is coming to this one.  Understand that this is one who has gone through a transformation which began not one year ago, but three years ago, and further understand that this is one who will find greatly she will feel as though her soul has been dismantled in that there will be the feeling she has been sliced and cut down the middle and that she knows herself not and that there is confusion and that there is an isolation, but more than that, there is the desire by her to alienate from that which she was part of and which she no longer desires to be part of.  This is one who is finding that what was part of her nature and part of her realm is no longer part of her knowledge and no more part of her desires.  Thus there is for this one a difference of intensity and a difference of knowledge at this time - for understand that there is within the very essence and the fabric of this one a change which is coming over and thus this one will often feel as though she is two spirits and know that there is a dismantling of sorts for this is one who was known in the early times of that which was Egypt and know that this is one who was at that time very well know as a master healer and know that at that time this is one who will have been one who had a great deal of the knowledge of how to heal and know that this is one who is not so much a channeler of information, but one who is a channeler of that which would be the divine instruction for the healing of others at a different kind of level.  

Thus onto this one is given the mortal attempt at life and the clearing of that which is karma which has been laid within a number of lifetimes on this earthly planet and to be completed by the time she is about fifty years of age and to find within that basis then the newness and that which would be the acceptance of the proper role in this lifetime so that she may keen her own skills and that she may be as a channel for the divine intervention of the healing. 

This is one who will give her instruction and will give her knowledge to many for that which will be a type of divine channeling of healing ability - and know that we see that this is one who may often in the future stand on the stage and be from public format that which will be of information and instruction and also will be of demonstration. This is one who will find, and more greatly, that there will not be the need by this one for the knowledge of that which will be herbs, for the knowledge of that which would be the difficulty, especially of the body.  This is one who will simply know how to move the hands and, in fact to know how to move the power of the healing forces of the Divine, and to use that same for her own instruction for others and how to cause others to find that within themselves as the power of the healing - and thus into this one she should know that there will be certainly a great deal of information which is given to her through that which would be the automatic writing but there is not so much the need for that same as for the understanding of that which will be the energy which will be directed through her and into the hands area and into that area of the upper body. 

However, understand that there is greatly a teaching, which is going on at this time, and this is one who find that her dreams are particularly vivid and she will feel as though she is sliced in two.  For know that there is this movement into the essence of this one to know that that which will be claimed to be a miracle is no miracle, but rather the power of the divine and the instruction of that same within the very essence of that which is seen as mortal, that which is seen as flesh and of human knowledge, and yet, the integration of that which is the knowledge of the divine and the power of that same and thus onto this one will be given a great deal of information.

Further understand that this is one who should not be caught up in that which will be the channeling of information, rather this is one who channels the ability of the healing and the masters of the healers.  This is one who needs not take that which would be medicine, who needs not take that which would be herbology, that which would be osteopath, that which would be the knowledge of the mortal body. 

Know that more and more there will be a change within the knowledge of this one and she will find and greatly there will be changes within her relationships with others.  She must welcome and cause these same to be hearkened to and to know that there is simply a difference.  As time will pass she will understand that there will be this spiritual healing which will be a cause to guide her to aid certain ones and to cause an ability by this one for the healing of many.  Thus onto this one will be great information of the necessary ability for this one to heal as many as she can by that which would be the touching. 

Know that this is one who will find the relationship with the husband will change also and that there will be a growing need for both to move in accordance with their own spiritual needs. Know that this man is one who will find more and more that there will be an ability by himself for an abundance, which he thought not possible.

This is one who will feel, finally, that she has arrived.  She has now within her ability a different kind of ability.  There is now within the essence of her hands a knowledge which will be given to her and she will seemingly move in accordance with that which will be a visualization.  She will not have any knowledge of that which will be the nursing or the doctoring.  Rather, it will be information, which at times will be clairaudient, at times it will be information which will be clairvoyant – and this is one who will hear and speak and see - clairsentience - that which will be needed one who is needing her efforts and her understanding.  Thus she will find further there may be the desire by this one to write down that information and to give unto others that information and to cause a knowingness about that which will be an instruction and a guidance for others.  This is part of the reason for this one.  To come to teach and to aid.

BE CONCERNED NOT at this time with the fact there might not be the information as is flowing as she would desire.  BE NOT CONCERNED with those that will be given as lessons or will be given as workshops in this area.  This is one who will be instructed by her own guidance. 

We would suggest to this one that she not dismay.  Know there is much guidance for this one from the heavens.  Know that there will be one very strong, male, guide that will be around this one.  He is one who is as a master healer and one who allows a flowing of his own energy to be focused through and around and into the very essence of this one. 

This is all for now.”

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

...and the beat goes on!

What a relief!  Caprice’s surgery was over and we were ready to celebrate Christmas and say goodbye to that year. Somehow though, Caprice and I had a feeling that the life we knew would never be quite the same again.  The good news was, Caprice was going to carry the Olympic Torch in February and she would also be a bridesmaid at her brother Jim’s wedding right after that.  Not too shabby a way to start the year eh?          

Just so you know!  While I visited psychics, attended courses, practiced meditation, read books and met with healers I hadn’t altogether left the planet. I was busy designing and sewing my soon to be daughter in-laws wedding dress.  I had sewn my daughter Lisa’s as well, when she married her husband Russ in 1984, and let me tell you, if you have never done this, it is no easy task. I had to have my wits about me.  They were brides after all, but as I had been a bridal consultant years before, I had some understanding of how to keep my cool.  I am so grateful today that I had to learn early on in my sojourn into the unknown territory of spirit how important maintaining some semblance of balance between ‘here’ and ‘there’ is.  Luckily, I had so many jobs that needed my attention and could not be ignored here on the ground I didn’t have this problem.   

I have been a multi-task personality for as long as I can remember so it is no surprise that when I stepped into the spiritual realm I should do things any differently. Only problem was, one was the total opposite of the other.  No matter!  True to my personality, once I stepped onto the spiritual path, things just snowballed, just like they always seemed to do in my physical day-to-day life. Happy New Year 1988! And what am I doing the first week of January?  Attending a weekend course in Calgary!  It was called Reiki and is an ancient art of healing and I mean, after all, I needed to learn more, didn’t I?  Shera had invited me to stay at her house while I was there so it gave us a chance to talk.  After the first day I was telling her that what they were teaching felt the same as what I was already doing with Caprice except Reiki involved placing the hands directly on the body in a specific pattern.  All the while I was there I felt I shouldn’t be there.  I don’t know why.  I just knew right then I wouldn’t be looking for answers in this direction anymore.  No more classes Elizabeth!            

The Monday after this course the channeled tape I ordered in September from Shera’s sister Shanon arrived, (mentioned in my post March 23rd, Onward and Upward).

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Ours is not to reason why; ours is to do or die

Christmas was fast approaching and so was Caprice’s third surgery.  I had been home from Calgary less than a week when the telephone rang one morning.  I was surprised when the caller identified himself as Rod Campbell, the healer from New Zealand I had heard about at the channeling course.  Imagine him coming back to Canada right at this particular time!  I made an appointment for the next day.

Off to Calgary we go again!  Before going on with this story I want to say that this man was not someone who called himself a healer.  He believed it was God working through him.  He had built up a reputation in Calgary for being one who could put cancer into remission.  So much so, that the doctors at the Calgary Cancer Clinic were giving patients his name, (quietly, of course), when all medical treatments for their disease were exhausted.  They did this because so many of them came back to the Clinic and all signs of their cancer had disappeared.

We were met by a very tall, kindly looking, older man who escorted us into a basement room in the house he was staying at.  He told us he traveled all over the world doing this.  Because he did not charge, he relied on the goodness and kindness of others to provide the necessary funds to do this.  He had met the people he was staying with on the plane and when he told them what he did they offered him their house to work out of.  This was always the way, he said. Whenever he needed money, a place to stay or an airline ticket, it just appeared, by the Grace of God, from someone.  He had a small, glass jar set off to the side if anyone wished to donate for his services, but he made no mention of it.

Caprice was put on a table and he moved his hands over her body without coming into contact with it.  It was all very surreal to me and seemed so odd, but I watched intently trying to understand what good this was doing.  He said nothing while he was ‘working’ but when he was finished I asked him if he could teach me what he was doing.  You know what he said?  “You already know how.  Just let the love in your heart flow down your arms and through your hands into her.”  

In the car driving home Caprice said she didn’t really feel any different, but that night she and I decided to give it a try anyway.  What harm could it do, but just in case we said the Lord’s Prayer before beginning. I moved my hands over the painful area as he had done and immediately she said, “mom!  The pain is gone!”  Neither of us had any idea how this had happened, but we didn’t care.  We just kept doing it every time she felt pain during the day as well as on schedule at 8pm every night.  (I had read that it was important when practicing any meditation technique to keep on a set daily timetable. I was continuing to meditate at my usual hour of 1pm while Caprice was at school.) 

The day of surgery arrived and before checking her into the hospital Roy and I took Caprice for another healing session with Rod.  Just covering all the bases!  She was relaxed this time, and so were we.  Once she was settled in a bed her doctor came in and said to a nurse who was in the room, “these are Caprice’s parents and if they ask you to do something for Caprice do what they say.  They know more about what Caprice needs than we do.”  Whoa!  Now that’s a switch! 

Roy and I left her that night and planned to be back in the morning early to sit with her until noon while she waited for surgery.  Another pleasant surprise! They had taken her up early at 8am and she was already back and in her room. Whoa!  Now that’s a switch!  The nurse kept coming in asking her if she was sure she didn’t want something for pain, but she just smiled and said “no thanks.”  Once the anesthetic wore off she was asking if she could go home.  The nurse was shocked, but said she would get the doctor.  He came in, looked at Caprice and said “I am so sorry Caprice.” Whoa!  Now that’s a switch!!!!   He allowed her to leave the hospital, but only if we stayed in Calgary overnight.  So be it!  We were out-of-there.       

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Seek and ye shall find, knock and the door will open

By now it was the middle of November and Shera’s course had ended.  She asked me if I was interested in attending an upcoming weekend course on channeling with her and I decided I might as well. 

In the meantime, Caprice and I met with her doctor once again as she was still experiencing major pain and was unable to do any of her own transfers.  She was able to attend school full-time but when she came home she had to immediately lie down.  You guessed it!  A third surgery was scheduled in a month’s time to cut off as much of the rod as possible.  This was disappointing, but hopefully would take care of her pain.  So be it!

I headed off to Calgary at the end of November to the channeling course not knowing what to expect.  The first night was a get together where all the participants and the two instructors, a man and a woman from Texas, could meet each other.  As soon as the woman saw me she looked at me and said, “So, you’re a healer,” - and then, probably because my mouth must have dropped open, she added, “you didn’t know that did you?”  Duh!  Adding insult to injury she then said, “I think you are Elizabeth from the bible.”  Now my head is really going.   “Who was Elizabeth from the bible?”  I didn’t want to appear completely stupid so I just smiled and walked away. 

Saturday morning the first thing we were asked to do was to lie down on the floor for a meditation session.  A special meditation tape called “Opening The Third Eye Chakra” was played. Shera’s course had given me an opportunity to learn that chakras, seven in all, are spiritual centers in the body that are conductors of spiritual energy. The third eye is the sixth and located between the eyebrows.

Well!  Here I go again!  This time it wasn’t just my hands, but my arms as well that float up in the air and start moving back and forth.  Add to this, I ‘hear’ words that speak to me in silence, as if giving instruction - “the left hand takes away pain, the right hand puts in healing energy. You will heal many and you will start with your daughter.” And I feel the tears pouring down my face.  I am sobbing now, but this wasn’t the end.  In my right ear I hear a very loud voice, not silent, that says – “AND YOU WILL NOT CHARGE!”  Scared me actually, it was so commanding.  I came out of it with a start, face wet with tears, but I did buy that tape before I went home!

On the lunch break one of the other participants told me about a healer who lived in New Zealand that came to Calgary every once in awhile.  He asked if I would like him to give this man my name and number the next time he was in the city.  I agreed.  After all, this word ‘healer’ kept coming up and I wanted to know just what a ‘healer does.       

The Saturday afternoon session has been covered in my post “Expect The Unexpected” when I thought I had an abscessed tooth and then the pain was suddenly gone!

Sunday morning:  another ‘processing!’ This time we were divided into two groups.  The woman took mine, the man the other.  We were asked, one at a time, to once again lie down and one person was to put their hands on our feet and the other on the shoulders.  I was the last to go.  Everyone else recalled an experience from a past-life in vivid detail.  Not me!  I just lay there with my eyes closed and ‘saw’ nothing except blank space.  Then I heard the woman speak to me;  “do you not see Christ standing in front of you with his arms outstretched?” I replied, “No I do not.” Silence.  She asked again, and then again.  Finally she said “well, I guess I will tell him to go.” For some reason I couldn’t let this happen and so I quickly said;  “I’ll go, I’ll go” and I reached out with my arms into the empty space in front of me and that was that.  It had now become very apparent to me that somebody other than me was running this show.

As soon as I arrived back home I found my bible to find out who this Elizabeth was…..and that wasn’t easy as I had no idea where to look!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Change Your Mind Change Your Life

It was no accident I met Shera and we became friends.  As a professional psychic she lived in this strange, new world I was heading into.  I, on the other hand, lived in this world of material form.  Between the two of us we made a good pair.  We complimented each other. 

No accident I had to attend Shera’s course that very night after my ‘vision.  She believed me, but then, she was familiar with such things.  What had happened to me left me bewildered and confused, but bottom line?  It had happened and now I really had questions that needed answers and I wasn’t going to get them unless I threw caution to the wind and went with my gut.  I could do this.  As I mentioned before, it was nothing new for me to make an about face and do something spontaneously without thinking.  Today, looking back at the different times in my life I did this and knowing the outcome, it was when I did not ‘listen’ that I found myself in hot water.

One of those times was on my wedding day to my first husband.  I knew as I headed to the church I was making a mistake.  I wanted to run, but how could I?  Guests were arriving at the church, the reception was planned and gifts had been received.  My dad knew it too.  I saw it in his eyes, the sadness as he stood on the steps of the church waiting for me - and the moral of this story?  Eleven years in an unhappy marriage where I became a lost soul dancing to the tune of another person.  I became a totally different person married to him, but I have no regrets?  Why?  There are three beautiful souls on this planet that otherwise would not be here and I have had the pleasure of being their mother. 

Then my ‘daddy’ died and it was as though he reached down from above and rapped me on the head.  “I” woke up and just like that, I knew my marriage was over.  Two years later I divorced him and moved out on my own.  Now I was a single mother with three children to support, but none of that mattered. I was free to be myself again and I vowed to never to let another person, especially a man, control me again.      

Okay!  Where was I?  Oh yes! I was no stranger to suddenly doing something completely out of character, but this was different.  All the other times I was dealing with good old terra firma and I had some kind of control over what I was doing.  This time I was going to have to rely on instinct alone and trust in something that did not exist here on earth.  I had witnessed something I could not explain and made no sense to me, but I couldn’t deny it had happened.  Why was another story and I had to find out. I wonder today if I hadn’t been pushed in this way would I have kept searching?  No matter, I really didn’t have time to think about it one way or the other because whatever was pushing me had taken over and I was swept onto the fast track to ‘the other side.’

Friday, April 9, 2010

When the going gets tough the tough get going

In the reading from Dickie Motherwell she told me;  “Caprice is the teacher and you are the student.”   She was right.  From the day she was born she has been a tower of strength and I have to wonder, who is the one who is disabled, her or me?   Not once did she question why she was different than all her friends and her brothers and sister.  Not once did I ever hear her complain.  It was I who questioned why she had to live with this disease.  Why did this happen to her and not to anyone else in the family?  What did she know that I did not?  Visibly she was different, but she saw herself the same as everyone else.  What a smart little girl!  She already knew what it has taken me all these years to learn. 

I remember a day when she was about three years old.  She came running across the carpeted living room floor and hit the linoleum in the kitchen and down she went like a stone.  I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes and when I heard her crash I instantly reached for a towel to run and help her get up as this happened often.  Something stopped me in midair and the thought crossed my mind, ‘One day I might not be around when this happens and she must learn to get up by herself.’ It was hard for me to not run over and help her get up, but instead I just turned my head and asked her if she was okay.  Yes! And up she got by herself and went on her way.  I learned something that day.  Never doubt how capable she is and do not take away her right to be normal just like everybody else – and I use the term ‘normal’ loosely.

It is no wonder that by the time of her surgery at the age of thirteen I had a different idea of what is important and what is not.  All those years she was teaching me the meaning of life even if I didn’t know she was paving the way for my soul to get a word in.  Between my mother instinct and my Virgo personality and her pain, I was caught between a rock and a hard place.  But, you know what they say; “when the going gets tough the tough get going.”  

Thursday, April 8, 2010

When a Student is Ready a Teacher Will Come

I’m back after a week of asking myself the question, which has been the reason I have not attempted to write our story for others to hear before this.  “Who would be interested in anything I have to say?” Thanks to those of you who have commented I no longer need to question and so, I continue.

After I began the course in Calgary I continued to attempt to learn the art of meditation.  No easy task for a dyed-in-the-wool skeptic.  Shanon had told me to pray before I begin, but I did not know how to pray.  I did, however, know the Lord’s Prayer and so I began with this.  Every day while Caprice was at school I set the alarm on the stove clock for one hour, turned off the phone, put on soothing music, sat myself down in a straight-backed chair, feet on the floor (no shoes), hands rested in the lap, palms up and eyes closed according to the directions from the book I had purchased.  I was then to imagine a ball of white light over my head and watch as this light gradually descended into my head, then to the shoulders and to the heart etc. etc. etc. all the way through the body to the soles of my feet and into Mother Earth.  I was then to bring it back up through my body until it emerged once again through the top of my head.  Well!!  I concentrated so hard trying to get that ball of light to do this that by the time I accomplished this task the buzzer on the stove went off and it was over.  This went on for days until I finally realized there must be an easier way and I should stop trying so hard and just send it through and back in one quick moment.  Once I got this down pat, strange things began to happen.  My hands would float up from my lap as if they were weightless.  Of course, I then had to open my eyes and try to make them do this, but no matter, I couldn’t do it.  The book had said a guide would come and I would get a name.  I didn’t, but I really wasn’t interested anyway.  I didn’t really have any expectations, I was just hoping for something to help me figure out this strange world I had stumbled into. 

Then, one day I actually found myself in a meditative state and it felt wonderful.  I felt my body float up to the ceiling, still in the sitting position, and I remember the feeling to this day.  Oh!  It felt so relaxing I just enjoyed the moment.  As I sat in this dream-like space I noticed way off in the distance a small speck of white and as I watched mesmerized it advanced towards me and began to grow larger and larger and brighter and brighter and suddenly, when it was right in front of my face it turned into the figure of a man I recognized. The strange thing was, this bright light was radiating from Him!   It was so bright it should have blinded me, but instead I found it most soothing to the eyes.  He had shoulder-length, dark, wavy hair, a beard and the bluest eyes I have ever seen. This was no photographic image.  It was a living being standing so close to me I could see the pores on the face, and then, the buzzer went off and it was all over.  My eyes shot open and I just sat there like a statue. “What was that?”  “How can this be happening to me?  “Where did He come from?” I knew it hadn’t come from me because not in my wildest imagination would I have thought of Him.  Jesus Christ was not a part of my life.  Never had been, so why now?  Oh boy!  Oh boy!  What do I do now?  This is too much for me to handle right now and besides, I have to get to the school to pick up Caprice, get supper ready and head to Calgary for my course.  I’ll just think about this later and in the meantime, I am not telling anyone about this.  They will really think I have lost it if I do.

That night at the course Shera asked if any of us had anything to share and I remember feeling very vulnerable as I hesitatingly told her I thought I had seen Christ.  She looked at me with the softest eyes and a small smile on her face and I saw that she wasn’t the least bit surprised. 

To this day, other than Shera and very few others, this has been my private little secret.
Until now!! 

Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Accidental Tourist

They say, ‘what you don’t know won’t hurt you’. Ah! But if I had known in 1987 what I know now I might have saved myself a lot of grief and heartache.  But then, maybe not.  Maybe things would have turned out worse.  How many times have I thought to myself, “If I had only known!”  Hindsight is a wonderful thing.  With it I have 20/20 vision.  I know why I did what I did, how I did it and what I did it all for.   But, if we knew the future how interesting would life be?  Not too exciting if you ask me.  Actually, I am extremely grateful I did not know what was coming.  Questions, questions, questions.  Why? How? Where? Who? What?  If we could only know how to feel safe, how to feel happy, how to feel peaceful when all around us is turmoil?  Planet earth is in turmoil and so are all the people.  Everywhere I look there is suffering and hardship.  So many people with so many problems and it just keeps escalating.  Will it ever end? What can I do? I have no power to change things, no title, no letters after my name, no position of importance, no claim to fame – or do I? What is it I now know I did not know twenty years ago, thirty years ago, forty years ago, fifty, sixty – yes! I am that old. Age should count for something shouldn’t it?  Here I sit asking myself what I have accomplished in all these years. Why am I here? I am about to find out by reliving my life in retrospect. My life here on earth should count for something.  I want to think that what I have learned might be valuable to someone, somewhere, someday.  If nothing else, at least I will be able to say I gave it my best shot.  

On the surface it may appear to others that I live a quiet life.  Ah!  But who knows what is going on in my life other than me?  The words of a song come to my mind - “that’s the way I like it, Aha!  Aha!”  Guess this has all changed now so I’d better get used to it. I feel as though I’ve lifted off the planet and am now back trying to be ‘normal’ and yet knowing there is more, much more, to earthly living than what appears to be.  It is a frustrating feeling not being able to describe such an experience to those who do not know the feeling. This is the place I now find myself in.  Trying to describe something that is not understandable and cannot be grasped by the intellect alone. To go where angels fear to tread requires a mind trained to ‘think outside the box’ as they say. It is a risky business, this thing called spirit.  Only the strong survive the enormous amount of effort it requires to be in two places at once, both the physical world and the spiritual realm.  But humans do this all the time!  Who on this planet does not have to deal with doing several jobs at the same time?  One minute we are wearing one hat and the next, another.  It is the way it is here on planet earth. So, it should be easy to switch hats anytime, anywhere.  But?  What if it is a hat that doesn’t fit and makes us feel uncomfortable?  Chances are, we will not wear it and if we have a choice, why should we?  There it is.  The problem that arose for me when I accessed a mode of spiritual learning that did not fit into a neat and tidy mental picture of what I wanted or did not want.  The need to change, to choose to see things differently, is a big obstacle when it comes to willingly stepping onto the spiritual path. I had no such problem. I did not choose.  The choice was made for me. I was ready to do anything to find a way to release my daughter Caprice from her pain. My practical, logical, rational mind became a valuable tool as long as I stayed focused on Caprice’s needs and only on this. I kept trying to make her as comfortable as I could but answers eluded me as to why she was suffering so. It was unbearable for me, to have to stand by and be able to do nothing. I was her mother!  I was supposed to be able to help her and take away her pain.  That’s what mothers do. This was the beginning of our spiritual journey together where she and I together became ‘accidental tourists in a foreign land’ and we did not know how to speak the language. It has been quite a trip and is now and ever shall be, a journey that is ongoing.

“in moments of deep sadness we should become devoted to the source of our pain.”  Dark Night of the Soul by Thomas Moore