God Made Me Do It!

I had been asked to give a speech for the Muscular Dystrophy Association to their clients at a dinner in Calgary on November 5th. I was having difficulty putting it together as I had never given a speech in my life and I was asking myself why I agreed to do it. What will I talk about? Finally, after many frustrating attempts I woke up in the middle of the night feeling very ‘wired’, my body shaking so hard I could hardly write but I knew I had to get what was going through my head down on paper. I had my speech. Would you believe the original draft of this speech fell out of the back of one of my first journals weeks ago?! Now that I am reading it again for the first time since I wrote it so long ago, I am surprised that I actually pulled off a pretty darn good speech, even if I do say so myself. I spoke of how the negatives of this disease are all we parents hear about, but there are also many positives and I went on to describe why I believed this. I spoke of how we built our house for Caprice even when we really could not afford it, but she needed to have independence so we did it anyway. We just worked harder and how doing this for her also gave us something beautiful. She gave us inspiration and kept our priorities straight; how she taught us to appreciate a healthy body and the freedom this gives us to come and go as we please; how to never give up and not to just think about ourselves; and most of all – she taught us the power of love and how everything we did revolved around this love, not just Roy and myself, but also our three other children, who were always there for Caprice…and then – I actually spoke about the mind, body, spirit connection and learning to trust our intuition, and more than that, I talked about healers and I cannot believe I did that. Me! Elizabeth, who liked to keep silent about this spirit stuff because people who are not into it just look at you like you have lost your mind! Apparently I was the one who had lost her mind – to go public like that! What on earth possessed me? I am reminded of a television show from the fifties called the Flip Wilson Show. He was a funny man and one of his favorite expressions was ‘God made me do it’. I rest my case.

 Caprice was still experiencing a lot of pain, everywhere it seemed. Shooting pains in her upper back, then her right hip, then her left - she seemed to constantly ache even though she was receiving healings from both Rod and I? Something didn’t compute. I just could not understand, if God was working through Rod and he had such phenomenal success with removing cancer, why was Caprice still in so much pain? Something did not ‘feel’ right. I was missing something. Surely God did not play favorites, so what was the reason? Jesus would pop into my mind and I kept thinking about the miracles He performed. Did He have a different God than Rod? I can see now that if I had not had my vision of Him, as shocking as it was to me, none of the questions I then had regarding what it means to be a healer would have entered my mind. I was absolutely positive - I think - that until I could do what Jesus did, as ridiculous as this thought sounds, I was no healer. Thank God I had that vision! Every time I began to think I knew something the memory of that vision gave me a reality check that kept me from getting ahead of myself and thinking I was something I was not. I was not Jesus and until I could get my head around what I was? I would just have to watch, wait, listen and learn.

An older woman named Ethel arrived for a healing (she was 68!) Guess I better reevaluate whom I call old huh? Ethel was suffering from painful arthritis in her hips, but her biggest concern was a dry-eye condition that was giving her even more pain than the arthritis. She called me the next day and said; ‘I don’t know what you did girl, but I had the first good nights sleep in years and my eyes are not sore. I can even read the newspaper for the first time in fifteen years’. I told her I did not know what I had done either, but if she was happy, so was I. However, this was short-lived and she came back several times and each time she came she poured out her heart to me about things in her life that were causing her great stress. She was a great teacher for me and from her and others that followed I learned that my gift was in helping others release emotional pain, not so much the physical. I began to see that Rod and I were different in our method of healing. He dealt with the physical. I seemed to be more successful with the deeper wounds. I stopped thinking I was doing something ‘wrong’ when someone wasn’t instantly healed.

“Healers are not the source of healing, but aid the one seeking healing in attuning to the spirit within. Healing is awakening the desire to be one with the whole.”

“Healing is the rediscovery of who we are and who we have always been.”

“Nature controls healing from deep within for every cell participates in the body’s inner intelligence responding to the person’s thoughts, emotions, desires, beliefs and self image. Nature did not put up a wall between mind and body. We do this ourselves. The wall exists because we have conditioned ourselves to believe in them. We are prisoners of our own conditioning. Healing is needed to release us from the spells of disease and illness, ignorance and suffering we have put on ourselves.”

(The above quotes were written in my journal, but I am not sure from which book. I was reading so many of them.)

The good news was, thanks to the steady stream of strangers walking through my front door, I was beginning to trust in the fact that all the pain Caprice was in, even after constant healing sessions, was somehow connected to her ultimate healing. The same was true for all the people who came to me for aid in their healing. I would speak of using the pain that appears in the body as a message system to find within self the real cause of the pain and a strange thing would happen. Somehow whatever I said opened the release valve that keeps the emotions locked up tight inside and they would pour out their troubles to me. Over and over again, as I gave healings to people their pain appeared to increase not lesson, but still I did not doubt even though I had no proof in the form of release from pain I was helping them in any way. It baffles me to this day why they kept coming back. Caprice was no exception. She too was experiencing many tearful, emotional reactions to the healing energy and old fears she had never acknowledged to herself were surfacing, but poor Caprice was stuck with me. She couldn’t walk away, in more ways than one. Oh my! We do carry around a lot of baggage in these bodies of ours and when the body becomes overloaded? We get sick!

Meanwhile, we were still receiving continual updates from Shera via her psychic readings and everything regarding Roy’s business plans was moving along in a positive direction. He was still going to make us tons of money! That was a relief, but when Shera called to tell me her sister Shanon wanted to see Caprice and I because she had a ‘message’ from her guide to aid in her healing – now that was a relief! So off to Calgary we went. I did not know what to expect as the last time I experienced a channeller of information it did not sit well with me. Shanon, however, did not speak in a voice that sounded phony at all. She sat quietly and in her own voice proceeded to give me specific instructions on where I should concentrate the healing energy on Caprice’s body. Of course, as soon as we got home we did as we were ‘told’, not because we had to, but because it felt right to us to do so. Odd as it may seem, not once in all these years have Caprice and I felt we were in harms way. We both always felt safe and protected even when things did not appear to be going so well.

In my last post I mentioned finding some loose journal entries. Well, interesting enough there was also another one dated November 1997 (the exact same time of year I am now writing about in 1988). Imagine that! I had come across an exact description of my vision of Christ written by St. Theresa! Exactly ten years since I had my vision in 1987! Ten years I waited for confirmation that I hadn’t lost my mind. Just goes to show how much patience is required to gain this knowledge.

The vision she says:
“passes as quickly as a flash of lightening, yet this most glorious picture makes an impression on the imagination that I believe can never be effaced until the soul at last sees Christ to enjoy Him forever. Although I call it a picture you must not imagine that it looks like a painting; Christ appears as a living Person, who sometimes speaks and reveals deep mysteries. “If I were to spend many years in devising how to picture to myself anything so beautiful”, she says of the imaginary vision of Christ, “I should never be able nor even know how to do it, for it is beyond the scope of any possible imagination here below; the whiteness, brightness, giving excessive delight to the eyes, which enables us to see a beauty so divine. It is a light so different from any light here below, that the very brightness of the sun we see, in comparison with the brightness and light before our eyes, seems to be something so obscure that no one would ever wish to open his eyes again…in short, it is such that no man, however gifted he may be, can ever in the whole course of his life arrive at any imagination of what it is. God puts it before us so instantaneously, that we could not open our eyes in time to see it, if it were necessary for us to open them at all. But whether our eyes be open or shut, it makes no difference whatever, for when our Lord wills, we must see it whether we will or not.”

Amen to this!