“Thinking adds not one whit to thy stature materially, but mentally, spiritually, it may produce the revolution which brings peace and harmony into the world.” Edgar Cayce
Even though I had so much changing in my material world, as I read back in my journals it was what was happening in my spiritual world that is recorded. I did have a record of the sale of our stores and Roy’s business affairs, which to me were major turning points in our lives, but I am remembering other turning points that came later and when I go to see what I was writing at the time – nothing! Not a line! How can this be? - I am asking myself. To my mind they were so important, but my journals are just filled, page after page, with the list of names of people coming to me for healings, quote after quote from the books I was reading and how all of these things related to our spiritual quest. Well!!! It is written that the way to spiritual enlightenment is to have one pointed focus so I suppose one could say I was on my way!
Since writing my last post something is sure ‘turning my crank’. If I have learned anything over all these years, it is to pay attention to the signals coming from my body and – boy, am I getting signals! I wrote another post the day after my last one, but when I read it again I felt - I am missing something – something important to me. I know this because since my last writing I am experiencing all manner of uncomfortable body sensations. I go to bed feeling exhausted and cannot sleep. Then I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, my head full of what I should write and then, when I wake up it is all gone. I am having moments of feeling a weakness in my legs, dizzy spells and my stomach starts churning. I know this sounds like something is really wrong with me physically, but I have learned - ‘thanks to the memories’ - that the thoughts in my head are directly related to what is happening in my body so….all I have to do is think about where my thoughts have been and - bingo! - my last post! This body reaction always happens when I am about to make a big breakthrough in understanding the spiritual significance for any particular experience in my physical life. Trust me. There is a vast difference between the two.
So? Here I sit, thinking, thinking, thinking, (as Caprice’s namesake, Winnie The Pooh would say) trying to put my finger on what is so darned important it’s stopping me from moving on until I ‘get it’.
Read it again Elizabeth! What were you writing that started all this? It is somehow connected to those who were coming to me in so much pain and the gratitude I saw on their faces after they received healing. More than that, it was the shock on their faces when they asked me how much and I told them there was no charge that created a sense of anxiety in me. Suddenly I became some kind of savior and I did not like it, not one little bit! I was just another human being just like them that had somehow uncovered a secret weapon against illness. Only problem was I had no control over it and until I did? I could not take credit for any outcome. Actually, the opposite occurred within me. I felt so humbled by their thanks, so small and insignificant in the face of something that was much bigger than little old me, but they refused to believe it wasn’t me. This became one of the most difficult challenges I faced as a ‘healer’.
Rod Campbell, the healer from New Zealand, entered the picture. He telephoned shortly after Roy and I had the idea to sell our stores asking if he could come and see us. I was surprised, but happy, to hear from him. Maybe he is coming to help me in some way? I was so busy doing healings on so many people I looked forward to having another person to talk to who could maybe shed some light on what I was doing it all for. As soon as he walked through our door he said our house was special, that he felt incredible power and knew then why he had been ‘sent’ to us. He seemed as happy to be with us as we were to be with him. It is a lonely life being a ‘healer’ it would seem. Just like the quote from my last post, Rod’s sole (soul) reason for doing what he did was for God and his fellow men, period. But where did that leave me? What was my soul reason?
“Love for others must come before love of self. As this ongoing healing is practiced changes in lifestyle and attitudes occur as well as changes physically and spiritually”.
His Healing Touch – Michael Buckley
I had been doing healings on others for months. As I ‘practiced’ I did indeed begin to notice ‘changes physically’ in my body. I was having all manner of strange sensations from a ringing in my ears, nose running like a tap, burning up and down my spine, head tingling, entire body shaking, heart pumping, stomach churning, sometimes hot, sometimes cold, and then the head cracks began. The first time was at my daughter Lisa’s when out-of-the-blue it felt to me like the back of my skull cracked open. It only lasted a second, but boy, it stopped me in my tracks. I continued to experience these for years to come, always unexpectedly. I was also having vivid, wild dreams that, like most dreams made no sense, but they did serve a purpose that I could not have known at the time.
-A large, black dog came into our house, very gentle and friendly - large, furry paw on the roof of our house – looked like a Muppet’s paw. The dream ended with me in my car driving down a street that looked familiar to me and I thought, ‘oh, that’s the street Shera lives on’. As I continued on there was a small building in the middle of the street blocking my way and at that moment my car took off and I was flying through the sky and a tremendous jolt of energy shot through my body. Initially I was frightened, but my fear was soon gone when I realized I was floating through the air. I can still remember the feeling of peace and quiet as I floated along looking down at the ground below me. Our dog, Muffin, woke me up and my legs were numb and my feet felt heavy.
-Caprice was being hurt by someone and I laid my hands on her and called on the Divine and instantly felt the energy through my entire upper body. It woke me up.
-Caprice and I were sitting on the kitchen counter and a man with long, black hair was speaking to us. I leaned over and put my hands on her legs and my entire upper body and arms went numb as the electricity shot into her. Then she got up and walked!
Understand this. I am not relating these strange happenings because I think they in themselves were important. What is important is how, in each experience of this nature, my body was adjusting in a safe way to being able to handle the enormous amount of energy that flowed through it every time I did a healing.
“All healing of whatever kind is of the whole person. There is no healing, however physical it may be, which does not affect the emotion and the soul.”
“For every physical reaction there is a metaphysical reason.”
Well, well! Imagine that! I wrote these quotes and the one above in my journal the same day Rod called to see if he could come for a visit! I didn’t know why they caught my attention then, but I sure do now and I shall try to explain why this is. It has given me the clue I have been looking for, the reason why I hit a stumbling block trying to write this next post. It is all connected to the phrase; ‘It’s not the destination, but the journey that counts’. I did not know I had a particular destination, but another part of me that I did not know existed obviously did. The only way to get the information I needed to know into my brain was to use my life circumstances to keep me pointed in the right direction. These quotes, simply put, contained all I ever needed to learn, but of course, I was still ‘thinking like a human’. Still, there they have sat all these years, the basis of everything that followed from that day forward.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Something’s Happening Here!
Journal entry; March/1988: “the sole reason for any intensive cultivation of this or any other faculty is the desire to know in order to serve and that service is to God and his fellow man.” W.E. Butler - ‘How to Read the Aura Practice Psychometry, Telepathy and Clairvoyance’
By the time spring arrived, Shera had become a regular visitor to our home and - let me tell you! - having a psychic for a friend is very interesting. Out of the blue she would voluntarily give us readings and most of them involved Roy and his business plans. Selling boats and motors and snowmobiles had not proven to be very lucrative and when the opportunity came to become a distributor for a line of golf cars things began to look up. Shera’s readings confirmed what her sister Dickie Motherwell had also predicted. The business was going to be hugely successful and make a great deal of money. Now, if what she was telling us hadn’t appeared to be a fact in actuality it would have been silly for us to believe this, but the truth was, things really did appear to be heading in that direction. The golf business was booming and, sure enough, three months after Shera said this, Roy came up with the brilliant idea to lease the cars to golf courses instead of selling them and the rest, as they say, is history. Even our lawyer said to Roy that he had come up with a ‘license to print money’. To this end he started up a leasing company and slowly began the process of selling off all the stock, closing down the original business and opening up a new company under a different name that was to be devoted entirely to the golf business. It all looked so promising that when Shera spoke of how this new company would eventually generate huge sums of money and have branches all across the country it didn’t sound so out of sight to us. She spoke of having investments in real estate, money pouring in, people calling him to go into business with them, etc. etc. etc. Is it any wonder I felt secure and safe to follow my dream of healing Caprice with no worries? With financial security, (our two original stores were still doing very well providing us with a secure income) there was no pressure for me to go to work every day, I had the freedom to put all my attention on delving into the ‘Mysteries’. With our first business I had always had a say in anything that involved our finances. We were a team. But when he wanted to branch out and sell ‘boy-toys’ I opted to let him run with it, along with our two sons and son in-law, without me. It was a guy thing after all. As I was not a partner I was not involved and really didn’t want to be. Remember that phrase Julia Roberts says in the movie Pretty Woman? ‘Mistake, BIG mistake!!!
While all this was going on, I had somehow been ‘found out’. I am not sure how it happened, but other people were now calling me for healings and just as Dickie Motherwell had predicted, our house became a whirlwind of activity. They came with all manner of ailments, but they all had one thing in common. They were tired, in pain and afraid of what was happening to them with nowhere else to turn. What I know now is that it wasn’t just the healing ‘treatments’ that made the difference. It was the fact that someone cared; someone gave them their time and asked for nothing in return; someone who listened to them; someone who ‘believed’ in them. However! I did not know this then. I thought it was all happening because I had some kind of healing ability. Didn’t know what I was doing, but if people were willing to believe in me I was willing to give it a try.
These people that came to me were my greatest gift. It is because of them I learned that physical pain is not all it seems to be. It is the end result of a lifetime of ignoring the signals from our other bodies. Yes! I said, other bodies. Bet you’re just like I was and didn’t know this! Along with the physical, outer body, we have three more; a mental body, an emotional body and a spiritual body. These three are the ones that those who are called ‘healers’ are able to feel in the space surrounding the physical body that are otherwise ignored by the average person. It is these three invisible bodies that are the primary focus of one who does spiritual healing work, not so much the physical. Depending on the individual there may be relief from physical pain, but it will be short-lived if the cause of the pain is in one or more of the other three ‘bodies’ and are not acknowledged and dealt with as well. We go to a medical doctor and receive physical remedies to relieve the pain in the form of drugs and surgeries. We go to a spiritual ‘doctor’ with the same expectation; the “you-fix-me-because-I-do-not-have-time-to-be-sick” attitude and herein arose my problem. Just like everyone else, I thought if the physical pain was relieved the task was done, problem solved - right? Wrong Elizabeth!
Those who came to me would usually feel a relief from their pain and go home feeling ‘healed’. But? They kept coming back to me when their pain returned, just as we do with the medical doctors. This bothered me. I seemed to ‘tune’ into the hidden reasons for illness - reasons we do not want to look at – in the emotional, mental realms and not so much the physical. I wanted to know why the physical pain disappeared only to return. My thoughts would go to Jesus Christ and my vision of Him. Why me? If the stories written about Him were true He was able to heal the whole body, not just one part of it. So? If I was unable to do the same (and I couldn’t) then I could not claim to be a healer - and so I never thought of myself as such a one. But others did and this created a great deal of conflict in me.
“Verily, verily, I say unto you. He that believeth in me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do also.”( John 14: 12 – 13)
Oh! How I wanted to believe this; needed to believe this; but I knew nothing about this man called Jesus. I didn’t fool myself that I could, in any way, do the things that He did. How ridiculous would that be? Still, there had to be a reason He had suddenly become a part of my life and, however vague, something was percolating inside my brain. It just hadn’t surfaced yet.
Meanwhile, I still had some responsibilities with work and in May Lisa and I headed to Toronto on a buying trip. These trips gave us an opportunity to have one-on-one time together and we always had such a fun time. However, this time I found myself strangely bored with it all and when I came home I wrote in my journal - ‘I feel something is coming to an end for me. I feel I won’t be going back again. Feels good though.’
Roy and I had a partner in our two stores, (I’ll get around to how this came about later I am sure). His name was Jerome and he had several other stores all in which he had partners like us. Once a year we all met to discuss business matters and so, shortly after writing the above in my journal, Roy and I headed to Calgary for the annual meeting. We left the meeting feeling frustrated. We just didn’t fit in with what had now become a very big business (forty stores). Our way was just too simple for the rest of the partners to understand and the arguing and disagreements and the bickering that went on at these meetings did not sit well with us. In the car driving home out of my mouth came the words, ‘maybe we should sell our shares’. I mean, after all, Roy’s attention was on his new business and mine – well - we know where mine was. Shortly thereafter, decision made, we met with Jerome to tell him we wished to sell and he had two people working for him that might be interested. Remember Shera’s reading in March? Well, she had mentioned a shift in the ownership of our stores and that two others would buy the partnership, but the money would come in two stages. Sure enough! We did sell and in September the deal was done, but the money, a very large sum, did indeed come in two separate payments, one in September and the final one in December. Now I ask you. Is it any wonder I began to believe?
By the time spring arrived, Shera had become a regular visitor to our home and - let me tell you! - having a psychic for a friend is very interesting. Out of the blue she would voluntarily give us readings and most of them involved Roy and his business plans. Selling boats and motors and snowmobiles had not proven to be very lucrative and when the opportunity came to become a distributor for a line of golf cars things began to look up. Shera’s readings confirmed what her sister Dickie Motherwell had also predicted. The business was going to be hugely successful and make a great deal of money. Now, if what she was telling us hadn’t appeared to be a fact in actuality it would have been silly for us to believe this, but the truth was, things really did appear to be heading in that direction. The golf business was booming and, sure enough, three months after Shera said this, Roy came up with the brilliant idea to lease the cars to golf courses instead of selling them and the rest, as they say, is history. Even our lawyer said to Roy that he had come up with a ‘license to print money’. To this end he started up a leasing company and slowly began the process of selling off all the stock, closing down the original business and opening up a new company under a different name that was to be devoted entirely to the golf business. It all looked so promising that when Shera spoke of how this new company would eventually generate huge sums of money and have branches all across the country it didn’t sound so out of sight to us. She spoke of having investments in real estate, money pouring in, people calling him to go into business with them, etc. etc. etc. Is it any wonder I felt secure and safe to follow my dream of healing Caprice with no worries? With financial security, (our two original stores were still doing very well providing us with a secure income) there was no pressure for me to go to work every day, I had the freedom to put all my attention on delving into the ‘Mysteries’. With our first business I had always had a say in anything that involved our finances. We were a team. But when he wanted to branch out and sell ‘boy-toys’ I opted to let him run with it, along with our two sons and son in-law, without me. It was a guy thing after all. As I was not a partner I was not involved and really didn’t want to be. Remember that phrase Julia Roberts says in the movie Pretty Woman? ‘Mistake, BIG mistake!!!
While all this was going on, I had somehow been ‘found out’. I am not sure how it happened, but other people were now calling me for healings and just as Dickie Motherwell had predicted, our house became a whirlwind of activity. They came with all manner of ailments, but they all had one thing in common. They were tired, in pain and afraid of what was happening to them with nowhere else to turn. What I know now is that it wasn’t just the healing ‘treatments’ that made the difference. It was the fact that someone cared; someone gave them their time and asked for nothing in return; someone who listened to them; someone who ‘believed’ in them. However! I did not know this then. I thought it was all happening because I had some kind of healing ability. Didn’t know what I was doing, but if people were willing to believe in me I was willing to give it a try.
These people that came to me were my greatest gift. It is because of them I learned that physical pain is not all it seems to be. It is the end result of a lifetime of ignoring the signals from our other bodies. Yes! I said, other bodies. Bet you’re just like I was and didn’t know this! Along with the physical, outer body, we have three more; a mental body, an emotional body and a spiritual body. These three are the ones that those who are called ‘healers’ are able to feel in the space surrounding the physical body that are otherwise ignored by the average person. It is these three invisible bodies that are the primary focus of one who does spiritual healing work, not so much the physical. Depending on the individual there may be relief from physical pain, but it will be short-lived if the cause of the pain is in one or more of the other three ‘bodies’ and are not acknowledged and dealt with as well. We go to a medical doctor and receive physical remedies to relieve the pain in the form of drugs and surgeries. We go to a spiritual ‘doctor’ with the same expectation; the “you-fix-me-because-I-do-not-have-time-to-be-sick” attitude and herein arose my problem. Just like everyone else, I thought if the physical pain was relieved the task was done, problem solved - right? Wrong Elizabeth!
Those who came to me would usually feel a relief from their pain and go home feeling ‘healed’. But? They kept coming back to me when their pain returned, just as we do with the medical doctors. This bothered me. I seemed to ‘tune’ into the hidden reasons for illness - reasons we do not want to look at – in the emotional, mental realms and not so much the physical. I wanted to know why the physical pain disappeared only to return. My thoughts would go to Jesus Christ and my vision of Him. Why me? If the stories written about Him were true He was able to heal the whole body, not just one part of it. So? If I was unable to do the same (and I couldn’t) then I could not claim to be a healer - and so I never thought of myself as such a one. But others did and this created a great deal of conflict in me.
“Verily, verily, I say unto you. He that believeth in me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do also.”( John 14: 12 – 13)
Oh! How I wanted to believe this; needed to believe this; but I knew nothing about this man called Jesus. I didn’t fool myself that I could, in any way, do the things that He did. How ridiculous would that be? Still, there had to be a reason He had suddenly become a part of my life and, however vague, something was percolating inside my brain. It just hadn’t surfaced yet.
Meanwhile, I still had some responsibilities with work and in May Lisa and I headed to Toronto on a buying trip. These trips gave us an opportunity to have one-on-one time together and we always had such a fun time. However, this time I found myself strangely bored with it all and when I came home I wrote in my journal - ‘I feel something is coming to an end for me. I feel I won’t be going back again. Feels good though.’
Roy and I had a partner in our two stores, (I’ll get around to how this came about later I am sure). His name was Jerome and he had several other stores all in which he had partners like us. Once a year we all met to discuss business matters and so, shortly after writing the above in my journal, Roy and I headed to Calgary for the annual meeting. We left the meeting feeling frustrated. We just didn’t fit in with what had now become a very big business (forty stores). Our way was just too simple for the rest of the partners to understand and the arguing and disagreements and the bickering that went on at these meetings did not sit well with us. In the car driving home out of my mouth came the words, ‘maybe we should sell our shares’. I mean, after all, Roy’s attention was on his new business and mine – well - we know where mine was. Shortly thereafter, decision made, we met with Jerome to tell him we wished to sell and he had two people working for him that might be interested. Remember Shera’s reading in March? Well, she had mentioned a shift in the ownership of our stores and that two others would buy the partnership, but the money would come in two stages. Sure enough! We did sell and in September the deal was done, but the money, a very large sum, did indeed come in two separate payments, one in September and the final one in December. Now I ask you. Is it any wonder I began to believe?
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Faith is the Substance of All Things Hoped For
Now! To try and figure out how I did it, that is the question. It all began with Tamie entering the picture. I began this quest with the sole intent of helping Caprice, but now I was facing a new challenge, one I was not at all comfortable with. I was still struggling with all the new information pouring into my brain, all the while trying to understand what to do with it. On the other hand, there I was, waving my hands over Caprice, (and now Tamie), and clearly something was changing in their bodies, but How? What? Why? This just made me more determined to find answers to these constant questions, but the more I read and studied the more questions I had, but even then, I persisted. I will figure this out, I must figure this out, I said to myself over and over again.
Caprice and Tamie were the catalysts for my eventual awakening to a new understanding of how wonderful and magical the body really is and how much power I have as an individual to heal, not only others, but myself as well, without the need to rely on others to do the job for me. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Well! It wasn’t. Know why? Because I did not believe, I did not know about this power that resides within. Why didn’t I believe? What kept me in such a holding pattern for so long?
“He who doubts from what he sees
Will ne’er believe, do what you please.
If the sun and moon should doubt,
They’d immediately go out.” – William Blake
Not true William Blake! I doubted for a long time, but now? I Believe. I did not allow my doubting mind to stop me. I may have said to myself many times, ‘that’s not true’, and then I would set about proving to myself I was ‘right’. But a funny thing happened when I did this. I discovered I was wrong! Interesting how the human mind can get in the way of progress of any kind. All depended on how I looked at it and how I looked at it was programmed into my head from the time I was born until the day came when it was so firmly entrenched it became an immovable object. Ah! But I was fortunate to love another human being so deeply I was willing to sacrifice my precious belief systems altogether to serve another. This is the key to my present understanding. Would I have done all this for myself if I had been the one in distress and not my daughter? Highly unlikely. This is the difficulty I feel we face as human beings. To learn to do for ourselves what we do for others. To learn to love ourselves as we love others. To learn to do unto others as we would have them do unto us – and then – once we have learned to do all these things? DO IT!
“Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” - Matthew 22: 37/39
Now this is a sticky wicket is it not? The above quote does not just refer to the person living next door. It encompasses the whole world. Now, think about this. Imagine loving every person in the world and you will have a glimpse of the magnitude of what it takes to change the thoughts forming in your brain right now. It’s easy to love the good ones, but really? How can one love all the nasty, mean people? Now, love at this level takes a soul walking in the body and to gain this knowledge means getting the you-know-what kicked out of you. Why? Because the human mind does not loosen it’s hold without a fight, so the only way soul can get a ‘word’ in is to get you when your defenses are down.
My goodness. How did I get on this topic? It comes from reading ahead in my journals and as I read I am noticing how the quotes I recorded from the books I was reading at the time were giving me a heads-up as to what was coming next. It’s as though I was being led step by step all along the way without my even knowing it. What kept the wheel turning was my constant dedication to learning, learning, learning even when my life was falling apart. I can see it all now, but back then? I didn’t have a clue. Ah! Hindsight is a wonderful thing!
“All the world’s a stage
And all the men and women merely players
They have their exits and their entrances
And one man in his time plays many parts.” William Shakespeare
Caprice and Tamie were the catalysts for my eventual awakening to a new understanding of how wonderful and magical the body really is and how much power I have as an individual to heal, not only others, but myself as well, without the need to rely on others to do the job for me. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Well! It wasn’t. Know why? Because I did not believe, I did not know about this power that resides within. Why didn’t I believe? What kept me in such a holding pattern for so long?
“He who doubts from what he sees
Will ne’er believe, do what you please.
If the sun and moon should doubt,
They’d immediately go out.” – William Blake
Not true William Blake! I doubted for a long time, but now? I Believe. I did not allow my doubting mind to stop me. I may have said to myself many times, ‘that’s not true’, and then I would set about proving to myself I was ‘right’. But a funny thing happened when I did this. I discovered I was wrong! Interesting how the human mind can get in the way of progress of any kind. All depended on how I looked at it and how I looked at it was programmed into my head from the time I was born until the day came when it was so firmly entrenched it became an immovable object. Ah! But I was fortunate to love another human being so deeply I was willing to sacrifice my precious belief systems altogether to serve another. This is the key to my present understanding. Would I have done all this for myself if I had been the one in distress and not my daughter? Highly unlikely. This is the difficulty I feel we face as human beings. To learn to do for ourselves what we do for others. To learn to love ourselves as we love others. To learn to do unto others as we would have them do unto us – and then – once we have learned to do all these things? DO IT!
“Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” - Matthew 22: 37/39
Now this is a sticky wicket is it not? The above quote does not just refer to the person living next door. It encompasses the whole world. Now, think about this. Imagine loving every person in the world and you will have a glimpse of the magnitude of what it takes to change the thoughts forming in your brain right now. It’s easy to love the good ones, but really? How can one love all the nasty, mean people? Now, love at this level takes a soul walking in the body and to gain this knowledge means getting the you-know-what kicked out of you. Why? Because the human mind does not loosen it’s hold without a fight, so the only way soul can get a ‘word’ in is to get you when your defenses are down.
My goodness. How did I get on this topic? It comes from reading ahead in my journals and as I read I am noticing how the quotes I recorded from the books I was reading at the time were giving me a heads-up as to what was coming next. It’s as though I was being led step by step all along the way without my even knowing it. What kept the wheel turning was my constant dedication to learning, learning, learning even when my life was falling apart. I can see it all now, but back then? I didn’t have a clue. Ah! Hindsight is a wonderful thing!
“All the world’s a stage
And all the men and women merely players
They have their exits and their entrances
And one man in his time plays many parts.” William Shakespeare
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Deep Waters
“The more you are emptied of your physical abilities the more you are filled with the strength of the soul.” Thomas Moore, ‘Dark Night Of The Soul’
I have been trying to figure out what particular event it was that happened in my life that hit me like a lightening bolt and turned my life upside down. Today, as I read back in my journals it almost feels like I am reading someone else’s story, not mine. How could I have changed so much, almost overnight it seems? A night that has lasted twenty-four years! It’s as though I lost myself for a period of time. Well! Thankfully I am back to my old self, but with a new twist. I may look a little different, I am twenty-four years older after all, but I’m still living and moving, walking and talking and trying to deal with the same old ‘tick-tock’ everybody else does, so what did I do it all for?
“You cannot remember until you are willing to forget.” - The Starseed Transmissions, Ken Carey
This is what I want to do; wipe the slate of forgotten memories clean and begin again, knowing there is no need to hold anything in. No pretenses; this is who I am; let it all hang out; what you see is what you get. The strange thing is that before Caprice’s surgery I had this type of personality, I didn’t think about who I was or how others saw me. It was all done subconsciously.
My sojourn into the place where humans fear to tread was done the same way. Subconsciously. It just happened - sort of like my body operates. I mean, as it was then, (and still is now), I did not have to think about keeping the heart beating and the blood circulating and all the other miraculous things this body of mine does to keep me alive - did I? It’s all done automatically without any effort on my part. So? My question was; ‘who is in charge of this body of mine and the strange activity going on inside it and how could I get in touch with the one who is?’
Asking myself this question propelled me onto the ‘thunderbolt path of karma’, (as author Linda Goodman calls it). This is the place where a person has the opportunity to clear up the debris left from ten lives, not just the present one. Ah yes! I am talking about past lives, a topic I was not particularly interested in at the time. I was having enough trouble dealing with this one and besides, what was the use of knowing my past lives anyway? I mean there was no way I could prove they existed so what difference did it make? However, the thought did cross my mind that it did kind of explain why Caprice was in a wheelchair and neither Roy or I or any of my other children were. Nor for that matter was anyone else I knew. So why did she have to suffer? Why not me? It all just seemed so unfair and made no sense. There had to be an answer. I just could not accept it was all a matter of chance - tough luck kid – that’s the way the cookie crumbles. Oh no! I had to jump into deep, deep waters to figure this one out. It’s taken me a lot longer than I thought, but I did it - figure it out that is.
I have been trying to figure out what particular event it was that happened in my life that hit me like a lightening bolt and turned my life upside down. Today, as I read back in my journals it almost feels like I am reading someone else’s story, not mine. How could I have changed so much, almost overnight it seems? A night that has lasted twenty-four years! It’s as though I lost myself for a period of time. Well! Thankfully I am back to my old self, but with a new twist. I may look a little different, I am twenty-four years older after all, but I’m still living and moving, walking and talking and trying to deal with the same old ‘tick-tock’ everybody else does, so what did I do it all for?
“You cannot remember until you are willing to forget.” - The Starseed Transmissions, Ken Carey
This is what I want to do; wipe the slate of forgotten memories clean and begin again, knowing there is no need to hold anything in. No pretenses; this is who I am; let it all hang out; what you see is what you get. The strange thing is that before Caprice’s surgery I had this type of personality, I didn’t think about who I was or how others saw me. It was all done subconsciously.
My sojourn into the place where humans fear to tread was done the same way. Subconsciously. It just happened - sort of like my body operates. I mean, as it was then, (and still is now), I did not have to think about keeping the heart beating and the blood circulating and all the other miraculous things this body of mine does to keep me alive - did I? It’s all done automatically without any effort on my part. So? My question was; ‘who is in charge of this body of mine and the strange activity going on inside it and how could I get in touch with the one who is?’
Asking myself this question propelled me onto the ‘thunderbolt path of karma’, (as author Linda Goodman calls it). This is the place where a person has the opportunity to clear up the debris left from ten lives, not just the present one. Ah yes! I am talking about past lives, a topic I was not particularly interested in at the time. I was having enough trouble dealing with this one and besides, what was the use of knowing my past lives anyway? I mean there was no way I could prove they existed so what difference did it make? However, the thought did cross my mind that it did kind of explain why Caprice was in a wheelchair and neither Roy or I or any of my other children were. Nor for that matter was anyone else I knew. So why did she have to suffer? Why not me? It all just seemed so unfair and made no sense. There had to be an answer. I just could not accept it was all a matter of chance - tough luck kid – that’s the way the cookie crumbles. Oh no! I had to jump into deep, deep waters to figure this one out. It’s taken me a lot longer than I thought, but I did it - figure it out that is.
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