Memories - like the falling of the rain......

“We suffer; the external world begins to exist; we suffer to excess, it vanishes. Pain instigates the world only to unmask its unreality.” All Gall Is Divided, E.M. Cioran

As I sit here in the year 2010 reflecting back twenty-four years into the past I can now see a very different picture than I did in 1986. Time heals all wounds they say - and so it does. I am now sitting in what is yesterday’s future! So? If I take my mind back to l986 I can see into the future! Is this not exciting? How magical! However, this being said, I am very glad I did not know what was coming back then.

Earth-time goes round and round, tick-tock, tick-tock, day after day, week after week, month after month, etc. and like clockwork I too went about my daily life, busy, busy, busy, go, go, go. That changed suddenly for me when I was faced with a problem my logical, intellectual, rational, analytical Virgo mind could not resolve and my inner clock started spinning. Life as I knew it was shattered into pieces until that one night when the hold my thinking mind had on me went on a holiday somewhere. Now my quest is to put all the pieces collected all these years into some kind of order so Caprice and I can see where we have been in order to know where we are. It’s like putting a giant jigsaw puzzle together. Back and forth we went, left and right, up and down, but remember - I can see into the future now - and what I see is a pattern in the timing of certain events that led up to my breakthrough. It’s almost as though it was all planned somehow. Maybe we do have a destiny, a reason for being here after all?

To backtrack again; in the month of September, just before Caprice’s surgery, I watched a movie on TV with my favorite actress Shirley MacLaine called “Out On A Limb.” The subject matter was very new age stuff. It was not something I was remotely interested in, but because I enjoyed her so much I watched it much like I would any fictional topic. But a seed had been planted! Next, as I needed a break and to get out of the house for a while, my friend Eva suggested I come with her to Tae Kwan Do, a form of martial art, akin to active meditation (which of course I knew nothing about). I did do this and for three nights a week for three months, off I went to class! Ding! Another imprint!

Then, in the month of February, Caprice was asked to make a presentation to Rick Hansen, who was arriving in our town on his “Man In Motion” tour. She agreed, but when the time came she did not want to go. By now, not only was she in physical pain, she was also in extreme emotional pain. For the first time in her life, she felt disabled. Her schoolmates were falling away. Her beautiful older sister Lisa was married, did some part time modeling and had a career managing our store where we lived. Suddenly Caprice began to feel like an ugly duckling who would never have any of these opportunities. She became very sad, lonely and depressed. Needless to say, when the day arrived, she did not feel like going and meeting anyone, famous or not, who was in a wheelchair like her. But good old mom reminded her she had said she would do it and it was too late to back out. She looked so dejected sitting on the stage waiting for him, but the moment he was face to face with her, the damn burst and everything she was feeling just poured out of her and she began to cry uncontrollably. Ding! Ding! The moment was captured on film and appeared in the newspaper the next day on the front page with the caption, “Man And Emotion”.

Now! I am back to March and that night when I sent out my plea for help, that unexpected moment when suddenly, overnight, something had changed which I was to discover the very next day.