Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it!

The earthquake in Haiti a month ago is on my mind this morning. Such suffering, so much pain makes the heart hurt when there is nothing one can do to ease their pain. But hope survives and the world comes to their aid. It is inspiring the way that these major earth upheavals awaken a universal outpouring of love and support in people from around the globe, even if the reason for such acts of kindness and compassion come from chaos. But what if we could only learn to love and support our neighbors and each other all the time without needing an earth-shaking event to prompt it?

My personal earth-shaking event was my daughter’s suffering. I had to stay by her side and help as best I could to ease her pain, but still, it remained. Day after day, week after week, month after month, it went on and she just became weaker and weaker and all I could do was keep her comfortable. I felt so useless. A mother is supposed to be able to take away her child’s pain. What good am I? We had made the two-hour trip to the doctor twice and he just kept insisting, even after an x-ray, that everything was normal. I was baffled and worried sick. This feeling was something very new for me. I had always tackled problems, even big ones, with the attitude that every problem had a solution, concentrate on the solution, not the problem – and yet? There I sat in turmoil not knowing what to do. For five months this went on until one night in March. I had just fallen into bed exhausted at midnight and I heard Caprice call for me. (She was unable to roll over by herself because of the pain and also because her muscles were so weak.) My first reaction was “oh Caprice, can’t you leave me alone for one minute?” Immediately guilt set in and as I walked to her room, (thank goodness it was a long hallway), I gave myself a good talking to. What are you complaining about? At least you can get out of bed by yourself. “Do you think she wants to have to call upon you for every little thing?” By the time I got back to my bed I was shaking. Silent tears ran down my cheeks and I choked back sobs because I didn’t want to wake Roy. I lay there in this state looking up at the ceiling and I cried out to someone, somewhere, “please help her. I am not asking her to be healed, just stop this ticking clock inside her and don’t let her get any worse.” I added, “if you do this for her I will do anything you ask” – and I fell into a deep sleep.