Everything Happens for a Reason

“The heart says one thing; the head another. The head has no intention of letting your heart win. The heart has no intention of putting up a fight. Sooner or later your head will turn the other way.”

I woke up this morning at 4 am feeling a little apprehensive about going public with our story of self -discovery. Thanks to all of you who have sent me words of encouragement. I am feeling much better now. I have always been a person who keeps her private thoughts and opinions to herself. My father was a very wise man and he taught me well. How many times did I hear him say, “no use crying over spilled milk”. Silence is golden was my rule of thumb. It is interesting that just this morning Caprice received a forward that stated those born in the year of my birth are called the Silent Generation. Imagine that! Fits me like a glove. Leaving the inner sanctum of silence means coming out of my comfort zone for the first time in my life, but then, I have discovered there is nothing about the journey to finding one’s soul that is comfortable.

My nice, neat, comfortable life of traveling between our two stores, (Roy ran the third one), running a household (without a cleaning person), driving back and forth to Calgary with Caprice for doctors appointments, as well as sewing most of our clothes came to a screaming halt with Caprice’s surgery and my head turned the other way. From start to finish her stay in the hospital was a mother’s worst nightmare. If you want a visual think of the movie Terms Of Endearment when actress Shirley MacLaine, playing the role of mother, stood at the nurses station having a tantrum. That would be me. I never left her side except when my daughter Lisa or Roy came to relieve me. I slept in the chair next to her bed every night. Without going into detail, by the time seven days of watching her suffer and having to deal with the hospital staff (that if I didn’t know better, were out to get us) I knew I had to get her out of there. She hadn’t eaten or drank anything the entire time, nor had she had anything for the pain because everything she put in her mouth came right back out and for some reason they wouldn’t give her a shot? Her eyes were rolling back in her head and she just kept saying, “I’ve got to get out of here, I’ve got to get out of here”. This broke me. I went to the phone, called my friend Elisha back home and told her I thought I was going to lose her and would she please come. I went back to Caprice’s room and told her we were taking her home the next day. Her eyes lit up and she smiled for the first time since being admitted. The next morning, Elisha arrived with another friend, Luba, and we loaded their car with Caprice’s belongings, including her wheelchair and the 19 bouquets of flowers she had received. We waited all day until 5pm when her doctor showed up very hostile indeed. The first thing he said to me was “how are YOU going to look after her?” With a if-looks-could-kill-you-would-be-dead expression I answered, “I’ve been taking care of her for thirteen years and I can do a better job than you”. He signed her out and she was put on a stretcher and wheeled to our van and we headed for home. It was a rough trip. Roy had to drive at 40 km/hr because every little bump in the road sent her into agony, but we made it. As soon as we got home she was starving and asked for Kraft Dinner (!), which I quickly made and she ate almost the whole pot, and she did not throw up.
I just want to add that today I know this traumatic experience, which wasn’t over yet, had to happen and I can honestly say I am grateful that it did. I have come to know the statement, “there are no accidents, everything happens for a reason” is true.