“First Gain Knowledge” (Edgar Cayce)

In remembering back I am reminded of all the turmoil Caprice and I have gone through, but we also had wonderful, uplifting moments too! Do we remember the good times or the bad? Is this why people don’t remember past events? - Because we are afraid to remember the hurts? How can we remember the good times without also remembering the bad ones? Seems to me we cannot have one without the other. Oh well! Who can remember that far back anyway?

Know what I am discovering as I drift down memory lane? It’s not so easy being that Elizabeth now that I know so much more than I did back then. To remember as accurately as possible I have to be in the same mindset I was in twenty-four years ago. Every day as I write I see a connection to today that began all those years ago. What I am finding is that all of the events are connected, like links in a chain, to a future time when I had reached a better understanding as to why each step was necessary. But! It’s driving me a little crazy because I want to write from where I am today and I have to keep reminding myself, that was then and this is now, and where I am now is very different. To do this means emptying my brain of everything I have learned and become that Elizabeth, who knew nothing.

My journals are certainly helping me tune into the details, but actually, for the past year, memories as far back as my childhood have been surfacing every day. As they surface in my mind I am pulled to a journal entry for a certain date and year that is connected to a specific learning. Depending on what I was reading at the time and what was happening in my life at the time and my thoughts at the time, I find a connection to the present that helps me understand and know it hasn’t all been for nothing. There really is a divine order to this thing called Life.

Writing this blog is showing me how much my life has been one big chaotic circus. Drama, drama, drama!! Still, I know I am not alone. Everybody has skeletons in their closet, but who wants to air their dirty laundry in public? This being said, I am discovering that doing just this is a very healing thing for me to do because it gives me a chance to see if I have any deep-seated hurts I might be hanging onto towards anybody or anything connected to past events. Forgiveness is a virtue you know. Happy to say, so far, I haven’t found any of these sneaky little devils that sit festering away, buried so deep it would take a bomb to release them. Know why? Because once I stepped into the world of spiritual teachings, they all surfaced, one by one, sometimes two and three at a time. If I thought I had troubles before, (which I usually didn’t - think about them that is), they were nothing compared to what my soul threw at me as I struggled to understand the difference between my human self and my spiritual self. Trust me. There is a difference - a BIG one, but just like my memories, there were some great ups that more than made up for the downs.

Now! Back to our story.

I explained to the woman whom Shera had referred to me that I did not know whether I could help her or not, but if she wanted to come and see me she was welcome to do so. She accepted my offer and we set a time for her to come.

Her name was Tamie and she needed help with a knee injury from a skiing accident and was in constant pain from a surgery that had not gone well. I told her straight out that I had no idea how or why or what I was doing in regard to this healing energy, but if she was willing so was I. She had her first session that day and from that day forward became a regular visitor to our home for ‘treatments’, but there was another bonus to her visits. Through their mutual pain she and Caprice had a strong bond and a friendship was forged that has lasted until today. Oops! See, I just flashed forward!

As for me, I was learning that my hands didn’t just pick up pain in the area of concern. For some reason with Tamie, I felt I should move to another part of the body and when I followed the urge to do so, I found another trouble spot. When this happened her body would tense up and her fists would clench. Hmm? What is this all about I would ask myself? By now Shera and I were in constant touch with each other and she reassured me I wasn’t causing any harm to Tamie, which was a concern to me. I felt so frustrated, because I kept meditating asking for help and no help came. “Why isn’t there a book to explain how to create a miracle in ten easy lessons?” While I was wide-awake I heard the voice in my head say, “you don’t need to know; you need to have faith, trust and never doubt.” Well! I did not have faith, I did not trust myself and I had lots of doubts. So there!!

Rod Campbell, the healer from New Zealand said it was God working through him. He believed this; he had faith. Not so with me. I didn’t believe in God, Jesus Christ or any other religious figure. The closest I came to going to church was for weddings, funerals and graduations. I am remembering a day a year before Caprice’s surgery when a woman friend was over for coffee. She was a Born-Again Christian and the conversation between us turned to religion. She was telling me I was a sinner and I needed to get down on my knees to repent my sins and ask for forgiveness. The hairs on the back of my neck bristled and I told her I didn’t need to ask someone ‘up there’ for anything and that ‘God’ has given me everything I need right here, right now, to accomplish everything I need. Honestly, I do not know why I said that. The words just came out of my mouth. I didn’t know that was what I believed. I always believed in a “Something Greater Than”, I just didn’t believe in what the different religions said it was. The question that baffled me then was, - “if there is only one God how come every religion seemed to have a different version?”

Back to Rod! Now the question was - which of the gods was working through him? - And why hadn’t Rod been able do anymore for Caprice than I when he had such success with others? Maybe there is a difference in healers just like there is a difference in doctors? – And the bigger question - if God was working through Rod, - who was ‘working through me’ if I did not believe? It could be anybody and I didn’t like that thought one little bit. Questions, questions and more questions, going unanswered.

Oh! I had found an interesting book called Star Signs by Linda Goodman. While it was on ‘New Age’ topics, that of numerology and astrology, she wrote in a down-to-earth fashion that my intellect could actually follow. Hallelujah! I was able to put some of her advice to practical use and this encouraged me to keep on searching. I referred back to it many times in the years to come. As had become my custom, in every book I read, I always checked the bibliography at the back for new titles I might be interested in.