Ready Or Not Here I Am

“Remembrance: asking the mind to search for a solution to a potentially impossible challenge with the pre-supposition that once one knew the answer and therefore, an answer must exist.” Angels and Demons by Dan Brown


After listening to the channeled reading from Shanon I put it in the case and pretty much forgot about it. As good as it sounded, I had a difficult time relating what it said to me. I just didn’t have enough information in my brain to understand such things, but I did remember the part that said Caprice would be healed – and so I continued to practice meditating every day. The how-to book said to visualize a yellow rose. I couldn’t for the life of me manifest a yellow rose. It also said a ‘guide’ would come to me and give me a name. To this day, this has not happened and I have been meditating now for twenty-three years! I kept trying and trying and trying getting more and more frustrated at my lack of success. I thought, “I must be doing something wrong”. My hands, however, were still doing their thing floating up from my lap, but now I was experiencing other body symptoms. Sometimes I felt a tingling sensation all over, like I had stuck my finger in a light socket, another time I felt cold from head to toe, the next, burning hot.

I kept reading trying to find answers in book after book. I had become interested in crystals, because I had actually purchased one at the channeling course in November. The building where it was held had a crystal shop in it and as I had never been in one before, on the last day of the workshop I ventured in to look around on our lunch break. As I walked around the shop I kept going back to one very large quartz crystal that drew me to it like a magnet. This happened several times and finally I decided to buy it, even if it was expensive and seemed a silly thing to do. The woman teaching the course was very excited when I showed it to her. At the end of the day, she put it on the floor and had all of us form a circle around it. Everyone put a piece of their jewellery on top of the crystal and we did a little closing ceremony. She told me that whenever I needed the energy of the group it would be with me in that crystal. Did I know what she was talking about? Not really, but by that time so many strange things were happening to me I knew anything was possible. I put that crystal by my side every time I meditated from that day on for many years. Did it help? Today I would say it definitely did. You know why? Because after I became aware of using my hands to feel energy, if I put my hands over this crystal I could feel waves of what can only be described as a blast of air from a distance of three feet in all directions! I always thought rocks were dead things, but apparently they are not. Maybe there is something magical about them? I didn’t know anything about crystals up to that time, but true to my inquisitive nature, I was going to find out. Everywhere I went from that moment on, if there was a crystal shop I went in, and you guessed it, I have a rather large collection of these pretty rocks by now. At the time, these crystals I collected gave me something real, something that I could actually see and feel, when everything else seemed to be so unreal and out of my control.

Meanwhile, our lives had settled down to a new normal. Caprice was looking forward to carrying the Olympic torch the first week in February and my son Jim’s wedding was to follow. Every night Caprice and I did our healing routine. She was still experiencing severe pain in her hips and back and was too weak to transfer herself out of her wheelchair. She was able to stay at school all day, but had to lie down as soon as she got home, but by now our minds were firmly entrenched in this new philosophy we had discovered it kept us from feeling something was ‘wrong’ and calling the doctor.

Today, May 30th, 2010, as I read back in my old journals I am wondering what in the world hit me. In a blink I went from being a sane, rational, and I think, a somewhat intelligent person, to believing in something completely irrational and illogical that could even be called downright stupid. What a chance I took, but this thought never entered my mind back then. I had faith, but it was a blind faith. I believed without knowing what it was I believed in. Elizabeth it seemed had ‘left the building’. Maybe I am a Walk-In after all. Maybe another soul had moved in when I wasn’t looking – or maybe my own soul just got tired of waiting and gave me a push. Either way, when the telephone rang early one morning at the end of January and it was a young woman asking me if I would do a healing on her my old self returned and I went into a panic. She had gone to Shera for a reading and Shera had told her I might be able to help her. Thanks a lot Shera! “I am definitely not ready for this.” It’s one thing to work on my own daughter in the privacy of our home without anyone knowing, but this?? There was comfort in secrecy and I wanted to keep it that way. What a dilemma I was in - but then, Dickie Motherwell had told me my house would become a whirlwind of activity hadn’t she? And hadn’t I been told I was not to charge if not for this? - And what if I refuse? Will I lose whatever it is that is helping Caprice? Only one way to go, like it or not, and so the healing work on others began.